Pieces of the puzzle

It’s always hard in the midst of a difficult struggle to understand why things are happening the way they are. It's hard to accept that God is in control and that He does not have to reveal his ultimate plan to us, nor is he required to save us from the difficult times. Someone recently shared this quote and it spoke so loudly to me...

"Sometimes God redeems us from our struggles and sometimes He redeems us through them." - Mike Donehey.

Looking back over the past few months of our “trials”, I am beginning to see pieces of a beautiful puzzle coming together. Even in the moments I felt completely alone and wondered why God was allowing things to happen, I am beginning to see that He truly was in control the whole time.

My Mother and Father in law had planned a trip to visit us in early February. Not long before they were supposed to leave, my Mother in law injured her foot and spent 8 weeks in a boot and several more weeks in physical therapy. Do you know when they rescheduled their trip for? The exact week God had orchestrated for Jude to be released from the hospital. Not only were they able to meet their newest grandchild, they were able to hugely bless us by watching our older boys while we spent time in the hospital with Jude. They also happened to be here the exact week we were moving and were a tremendous help with packing the house and moving us. I can’t even imagine the chaos of doing everything without them.

God is good!

While Nathan and I were originally very upset that a doctor who had not been overseeing Jude’s care decided to discharge him directly out of intermediate care without consulting Jude’s doctor, I now see what a blessing that was. Not only were we able to have almost a week with Jude home to snuggle and meet his brothers and grandparents, this also allowed us to monitor Jude and discover he was having some serious issues from his prematurity that needed to be treated. We were able to drive Jude to the capital of Panama and get him the best care available. We have now been able to breathe much easier and we are able to better understand what is going on with him, and better care for him.

God is good!

God has taken such great care of Jude these past 35 wks. I was less than thrilled to be put on bed rest at 25wks but God used that time to help prepare Jude for birth. He was able to get steroids to help grow his lungs and when he arrived at 30 wks, God watched over him every step of the way. I didn’t understand why God would allow me to have a premature baby in a foreign country. I didn't understand why I was having to experience such heartache his first few weeks with barely being able to see my son, but I can tell you now that God has a wonderful plan and He has never left Jude’s side. This experience has brought many different people into my life, it has created new and wonderful friendships, it has opened my eyes to many different situations here in Panama, and most importantly... I believe God is showing us His will for us here in Panama through this.

God is GOOD!

I still may not understand all the pieces of the puzzle and that is ok. God is choosing to redeem me through my struggles right now. I may fight Him on things and beg Him to spare me from the trials, but I am slowly beginning to see that what I have been fighting and struggling against is something beautiful that God is trying to piece together if only I would let Him. I am eager to see the finished puzzle, but I know that God will place piece by piece in His perfect timing, not mine.

One week.

It's been one week since Jude was born. One week.

One week of...

Joy

Sorrow

PRAYERS

Smiles

Tears

Pain

WAITING

 Laughter

Excitement

Encouragement

Nerves

Longing

Happiness

Exhaustion

PRAISE

Thanksgiving

Anticipation

Disappointment

Blessings

Frustration

Gratefulness

Miracles
Trusting

LIFE.

We love you precious boy. You are one week closer to HOME.

Introducing... Jude Ellis

We are thrilled to welcome our 4'th son...

JUDE ELLIS

March 21'st * 4:37am

3lbs 8oz * 16.5in.

Perfect.

A little about his birth...

Wednesday I celebrated 30 wks of pregnancy. I was not feeling well at all. I thought I was probably coming down with a stomach flu. My stomach felt a sharp pain like I had been hit or punched and I was vomiting as well. It wasn't that unusual for me to be feeling the nausea but the pain felt different than the contractions I was used to. I spent the day as I spent every day... in bed laying down and resting. My stomach was tight and felt hard, again I assumed it was a tummy bug hitting me so I just kept trying to drink water and rest. It wasn't unusual for me to feel so uncomfortable so I tried not to get too worked up over it. I was in quite a bit of pain and that night I was having my usual contractions that were painful but nothing shocking. I decided to go to bed and see how I felt in the morning. I went to sleep around midnight and tossed and turned until about 2:30am when I knew something was wrong. The contractions were extremely painful and I could no longer sleep. I went to the bathroom and I immediately knew something was wrong. I was bleeding really badly. I woke Nathan up and told him to hurry and wake the boys we needed to get to the hospital. We called my parents to come get the boys, and we called some Missionary friends who speak spanish and would be able to help with the boys until my parents arrived.

We got there pretty quickly and they had me put on a gown and lay in a bed while they called my doctor. My mind was racing and I started to panic. I still felt him moving and I kept rubbing him and waiting for him to respond. I am not sure how long it took the doctor to arrive the whole night turned to a blur. She got there and checked me and confirmed I was in active labor. She told me she needed to do an ultrasound to confirm his position because she felt a hand. They rushed me for an ultrasound and sure enough, Jude was laying transverse. I was still bleeding very badly and his hand had already presented in my cervix. She quickly went over the options with Nathan. 1.) Have a c-section there at the private hospital and Jude would need to be transported shortly after birth or 2.) Transport me to the public hospital for my c-section and then they would take Jude to the NICU.

We decided to stay for the C-section at the private hospital because we knew the care would be better. We also knew at the public hospital there would be a really strong language barrier and I was frightened enough. They rushed me up for my C-section and at 4:37am Jude arrived. I waited for his cry and breathed a huge sigh of relief when I heard it. I could see them working on him and pumping his chest and they quickly rushed him out of the room. He was taken by ambulance a few minutes away to the public hospital. I was in a fog.

Jude started out in very serious condition, but he has quickly shown us that he is very strong and he is a fighter. He is currently stable and doing well. While I wish he could have waited another month or two before joining us, I am so incredibly thankful he is here and he is safe and he is thriving. God is GREAT, and we are once again blessed with another son. 

We chose the name Jude because it means "Praise" and words can not express our praise and thanksgiving for our precious new son. His middle name, Ellis, means "The Lord is my God". We thought that fit perfectly. We have no doubts that God will watch over him and use his life as He sees fit. 

^" For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him."

1 Samuel 1:27