Thursday, April 25, 2013

Pieces of the puzzle

It’s always hard in the midst of a difficult struggle to understand why things are happening the way they are. It's hard to accept that God is in control and that He does not have to reveal his ultimate plan to us, nor is he required to save us from the difficult times. Someone recently shared this quote and it spoke so loudly to me...

"Sometimes God redeems us from our struggles and sometimes He redeems us through them." - Mike Donehey.

Looking back over the past few months of our “trials”, I am beginning to see pieces of a beautiful puzzle coming together. Even in the moments I felt completely alone and wondered why God was allowing things to happen, I am beginning to see that He truly was in control the whole time.

My Mother and Father in law had planned a trip to visit us in early February. Not long before they were supposed to leave, my Mother in law injured her foot and spent 8 weeks in a boot and several more weeks in physical therapy. Do you know when they rescheduled their trip for? The exact week God had orchestrated for Jude to be released from the hospital. Not only were they able to meet their newest grandchild, they were able to hugely bless us by watching our older boys while we spent time in the hospital with Jude. They also happened to be here the exact week we were moving and were a tremendous help with packing the house and moving us. I can’t even imagine the chaos of doing everything without them.

God is good!

While Nathan and I were originally very upset that a doctor who had not been overseeing Jude’s care decided to discharge him directly out of intermediate care without consulting Jude’s doctor, I now see what a blessing that was. Not only were we able to have almost a week with Jude home to snuggle and meet his brothers and grandparents, this also allowed us to monitor Jude and discover he was having some serious issues from his prematurity that needed to be treated. We were able to drive Jude to the capital of Panama and get him the best care available. We have now been able to breathe much easier and we are able to better understand what is going on with him, and better care for him.

God is good!

God has taken such great care of Jude these past 35 wks. I was less than thrilled to be put on bed rest at 25wks but God used that time to help prepare Jude for birth. He was able to get steroids to help grow his lungs and when he arrived at 30 wks, God watched over him every step of the way. I didn’t understand why God would allow me to have a premature baby in a foreign country. I didn't understand why I was having to experience such heartache his first few weeks with barely being able to see my son, but I can tell you now that God has a wonderful plan and He has never left Jude’s side. This experience has brought many different people into my life, it has created new and wonderful friendships, it has opened my eyes to many different situations here in Panama, and most importantly... I believe God is showing us His will for us here in Panama through this.

God is GOOD!

I still may not understand all the pieces of the puzzle and that is ok. God is choosing to redeem me through my struggles right now. I may fight Him on things and beg Him to spare me from the trials, but I am slowly beginning to see that what I have been fighting and struggling against is something beautiful that God is trying to piece together if only I would let Him. I am eager to see the finished puzzle, but I know that God will place piece by piece in His perfect timing, not mine.

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