I have had something on my heart for a little while, and I felt like I just really needed to share it. So here it goes...
Lots of people have said things, in regards to us moving to Panama, referring to us as "amazing" or "incredible". Even though it is meant as a compliment, it really makes me feel uncomfortable and here is why-
Because we aren't.
Growing up, I always felt like pastors and missionaries were these special people that were "super christians," and it always seemed unattainable to me because I was already so full of sin. I felt like I was not perfect, so what use could I be to anyone? How could God ever use me? I was not the poster girl for "good christian."
When we felt God calling us to Panama, all I could think was "But God, why us? We aren't qualified. We aren't special, and we certainly are not super christians. We are sinners. We yell, we argue, we get mad, we make bad choices. We don't have special degrees on how to be useful to You, how to lead people to You, or how to properly love the orphaned. Why us, God?"
In all my questioning to God, I clearly felt that He said "Because this is what I created my people to do."
You see, you don't have to be special. You don't have to be amazing. You don't have to be wonderful. You just have to be WILLING. You just have to say "God, use me how You want to use me. I am YOURS."
There is nothing amazing about simply following the commands God has given us. This is what Christianity is. It's just normal. It's nothing special. God tells us to care for the orphan and the widow. He tells us to clothe the naked and feed the hungry. He tells us to seek justice for the oppressed. He tells us to make disciples. He doesn't say "only do this if you are special or amazing." He just says to do it because we are His children and it is why He created us.
When God called His disciples in the Bible, He didn't tell them to go home first and get more prepared, or that they were not special enough. He didn't tell them to go to work to become more "spiritual" first and THEN they could follow Him and serve. No, He just called them as they were.
God can use you NOW, just as you are, if you are willing. If God called me, He can call you. I am no one special. I am nothing outside of Him. I was just tired of fighting what God had clearly told me to do, and so I relented and said "Okay God, I will go."
I am not saying you need to move to a foreign country, because God can use you exactly where you are. I am simply saying, don't fool yourself into thinking that you can't be used because you aren't a "super christian." And don't let yourself believe lies such as "I need to be more spiritual and then God can use me, later." Let God use you as you are, now. He will continue to work on your heart, and He will grow you in Him if you are faithful in pursuing Him, and seeking Him.